Sunday, April 19, 2009

The Elder-Tree Mother

“For out of the truth grow the most wonderful stories, just as my beautiful
elder bush has sprung out of the teapot.”

“The Elder- Tree Mother”
Hans Christian Andersen



A favorite new passion is Art Doll Assemblage using plant material, fiber, fabric bits and lots of re-cycled "junk."

"The Elder-Tree Mother" is mounted on a background with textures and teapot painted in acrylics over an old poster. Her dress is fashioned from hand-painted silk, bits of lace, ribbons, gossamer paper and found paper. Her face was sketched on paper with color pencil then sealed with acrylic pouring medium and is surrounded with tiny white flower fingernail decals. She has little porcelain hands from a broken doll parts collection. The "scene" includes twigs, roots, hydrangea petals, silk leaves painted with metallic acrylic, found objects, text from the story, and bits of handwritten image transfers.
So much fun to make!
~Meg

Art Doll "The Elder-Tree Mother" © 2009 Meg Fox

Friday, April 17, 2009

Grasping the Nettles of the
Shadowed Land

"O! Wanderers in the shadowed land despair not! For though dark they stand, all woods there be must end at last, and see the open sun go past: the setting sun, the rising sun, the day's end, or the day begun. For east or west all woods must fail..."

The Lord of the Rings

Song in the Woods sung by Frodo as the four hobbits walk through the Old Forest.

Lightweave (Digital Collage) © 2009 Meg Fox

Wednesday, April 15, 2009


2009 Links



Current as of: April 15, 2009
The Endicott Studio's

Thursday, June 19, 2008

In the Garden

"Each moment of the year has its own beauty . . . a picture which was never
before and shall never be seen again. "

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Over the last year I've been working to turn our garden into more of a natural habitat for wildlife by replacing water guzzling areas such as the lawn with trees and drought tolerant plantings that provide food and shelter. Working in the garden brings me such a sense of peace and happiness, and to think it counts as exercise, too! Doesn't get better than that!

Below is an interactive digital photo album with photos of my garden from May and June 2008. To start, hit the play arrow and for best viewing click on "full page" view. Click on the arrows to turn the pages. You can click to turn back to previous pages, too. Moving your cursor over the pages will bring up a "zoom in-zoom out" button for a closer view.

If you'd like to play with digital albums, the Smilebox link below will give you all the info.

~Meg



Click to play Lavender Dreams
Create your own scrapbook - Powered by Smilebox

Saturday, January 26, 2008

Lady Isabel



***Scarborough Fair Video is undergoing further editing. I'll repost it as soon as it's complete. Thanks!

As a violinist, I've always adored traditional ballads, but I'm just getting to know a bit about the history of this story form. Some of links I've added in this post I found while browsing the web and can't be sure all the information is correct, but I hope they will give you a good general idea, and the Wikipedia link to the the list of Child Ballads includes some wonderful Arthur Rackham illustrations -- can't go wrong there! This same link also has links to varients of the stories told in the ballads discussed below.

The adaptation of the song “Scarborough Fair” most familiar to me and fellow “flower childen” of the sixties ;-) is the 1966 version sung by Simon and Garfunkel, arranged by Martin Carthy and featured on the album Parsley, Sage, Rosemary and Thyme. The story, however, told in the song, “Scarborough Fair,” draws from a number of early traditional ballads (scholar and folklorist, Francis J. Child, categorized over 300 of these ballads by number in his work, The English and Scottish Popular Ballads) including the15th century Scottish ballad, “Elfin Knight” (F. Child Ballad #2), “Riddles Wisely Expounded” (F. Child Ballad #1) and “Lady Isabel and the Elf Knight” (F. Child Ballad #4).

The lyrics come from a version of “Lady Isabel and the Elf Knight” (F.Child Ballad #4). Martin Carthy also recorded “Scarborough Fair” earlier in 1965 for his own first album and discussed some of the symbolism of the lyrics in his liner notes:

“Folklorists and students of plant mythology are well aware that certain herbs were held to have magical significance - that they were used by sorcerers in their spells and conversely as counter-spells by those that wished to outwit them. The herbs mentioned in the refrain of Scarborough Fair (parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme) are all known to have been closely associated with death and also as charms against the evil eye. The characters in the Elfin Knight (of which Scarboro' Fair is a version) are a demon and a maid. The demon sets impossible tasks and on the maid's replies depends whether she will fall into his clutches or not. Child believed that elf to be an interloper from another ballad (Lady Isobel and the Elf Knight) and that he should rightly be mortal, but as Ann Gilchrist points out "why the use of the herb refrain except as an indication of something more than mortal combat?" Sir Walter Scott in his notes to Minstrelsy of the Scottish Border recalled hearing a ballad of “a fiend ... paying his addresses to a maid but being disconcerted by the holy herbs she wore in her bosom” and Lucy Broadwood goes as far as to suggest that the refrain might be the survival of an incantation against such a suitor.”

Please see my earlier post “Creative Storytelling with Video” for more information about Jeanne Pisano, Julie Berghofer and the gorgeous music from their CD Angel Child. Their music has me completely inspired to learn more about making short videos. Darn that technical learning curve! So many video file types -- so little time. Ahhh well. . . thank you J & J for letting me play!

The lightweave above, “Lady Isabel,” and the sequence of images I made for the video, “Scarborough Fair,” draw their symbolism from all three of the ballads discussed above. The illustrations concentrate on a young girl’s success in outwitting her abductor and freeing herself from all evil intentions and are based upon the story in version 4D of Child's “Lady Isabel and the Elf Knight” found here: (http://www.sacred-texts.com/neu/eng/child/ch004.htm)

Two favorite (and very reliable!) links with terrific related information are Terry Windling's essay, “The Music of Faeryand Ellen Kushner's wonderful radio program,“Riddles,” from her acclaimed public radio series, Sound and the Spirit. You can listen to the program online here where all of the programs are listed in alphabetical order.

~Meg

Music from Angel Child © 2002 Flying Pisanos Music, Inc (780014482725)
Video Scarborough Fair and Lightweave, “Lady Isabel” ©2008 Meg Fox

Friday, December 28, 2007

Creative Storytelling with Video

Coventry Carol

Jeanne Pisano vocal ~ Julie Allis Berghofer harp ~ Meg Fox art sequence

The music for the video above is a gorgeous performance by two dear friends, Jeanne Pisano and Julie Berghofer and is from their CD Angel Child—a collection of lullabies and "quiet-time" music for children and adults. Read more about these inspiring musicians below.

Utilizing a slideshow format to combine images, words and music is another wonderful way to tell a story. Like my digital collage therapy work, when using video as a healing therapy, I strive to focus on a free flowing process rather than aim to create a polished work of art.

I've been using the Windows Movie Maker software that came installed with my PC. If you have this program, Papa John’s website is a great source of info as are the archives of his newsletter. Mac users with iMovie can find lots of resources to get started by Googling “iMovie tips.” If you don’t have a software program you can upload your own photos to slideshow formats provided by sites such as Picture Trail.

I begin by choosing a song and letting my imagination wander while listening to the music. Then—using free association—I dig through old files of completed artwork, or I snap a few new photos. My plan is to gather images I feel visually describe the thoughts and feelings that come to mind as I listen to the music. I might also browse through poetry or stories for inspiration.

The imagery for Coventry Carol is based upon one photo of my garden. Collage is a relaxing process for me, so I made variations of the photo (one became the Winter Solstice holiday image), adding a few other photos, older drawings and sketches until I had a sequence of frames. Working with a series of unaltered photos keeps it simple and works just as well. An older video of mine—Imagination—includes a few collages, but primarily uses photos including the same garden photo used in Coventry Carol. Time to snap some new garden pix :) ! For Imagination I also added favorite quotes.

The Coventry Carol is a Renaissance carol named after the city of Coventry, England. In medieval times this musical form represented the voice of the masses who, unable to write, expressed their concerns through music and oral storytelling. It remembers the slaying of the innocents under King Herod described in the New Testament, but when I listen to Julie and Jeanne’s performance and the refrain “lullay, lullay” (a medieval phrase for “I see, I see.”), I hear this carol as a universal expression of heartache—a plea to keep our eyes open as advocates for our children, and if indeed we “see,” we must be responsible to take action and protect them from harm. (You can read more historical information about this carol here).

This quote from “If You Could Listen to a Child's Soul…,” was written by a man I so often quote—novelist, attorney and leading authority on child abuse, Andrew Vachss. His incredibly beautiful words also inspired the imagery I created to express feelings I experience when I listen to Jeanne and Julie’s performance of the Coventry Carol:

“Children of the world. Future flowers, now seeds. Some hand-raised, nourished in love-richened ground. Others, tossed carelessly on the coldest concrete, struggling beneath Darwin's dispassionate sunlight.

Each unique, snowflake-individualized. And all the same.

Our race. The human race. One color—many shades. Treasures to some, toys to others. Some will reach the stars—some will stalk the shadows.

What children are, more than anything else, is this: another chance for our flawed species to get it right.”

In addition to their music careers, Jeanne and Julie are also healing instructors.

Jeanne Pisano follows a daily practice of Tibetan Buddhist meditation, is an instructor for meditation practice with The Unfettered Mind and also integrates vocal instruction with meditation practice. Visit the Flying Pisano's web site where you can purchase all the terrific Pisano CDs and Jeanne's blog, Thoughts by Jeanne, for futher meditation information.

Julie Allis Berghofer, NRMT, is Assistant Director of The Music Therapy Wellness Clinic at California State University at Northridge and has over twenty years of experience as a clinician and teacher in the pediatric special needs field. She has a particular interest in early intervention and working with children with autism or profound multiple needs. Julie is one of the authors of The Individualized Music Therapy Assessment Profile, an in-depth assessment protocol developed by a team of six experienced music therapists, newly released and available from Amazon.

I want to mention how honored I am to have some of my collage therapy work included on the new Endicott Kids” Page and to let anyone purchasing Julie's new book know that they can help Endicott kids in need at the same time by entering Amazon through the link provided under “Book sales for the Endicott kids.”

Here's a brief musical bio of these two dear and giving women:

Julie Allis Berghofer hails from England with classical training in piano and harp, while Jeanne Pisano comes from the midwestern United States and began singing professionally at age ten with her mother's dance band. Julie has played with symphony and radio orchestras in London and accompanied singers from Pavarotti, Andrea Bocelli and Dame Kiri Te Kanawa to Frank Sinatra and Christina Aquilera. Jeanne Pisano has performed worldwide in the jazz idiom and written lyrics for Grammy winners Dianne Reeves, Dame Cleo Laine and Johnny Mathis. Julie and Jeanne's lives have converged in their musical marriages. Julie is the wife of famed jazz bassist Chuck Berghofer and Jeanne the wife of legendary jazz guitarist John Pisano.

~Meg

Music from Angel Child © 2002 Flying Pisanos Music, Inc (780014482725)
Video © 2007-2008 Meg Fox

Friday, November 02, 2007

Prophecy and Remembrance
Lightweave (Digital Collage) © 2007 Meg Fox

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

The Changeling
Lightweave (Digital Collage) © 2007 Meg Fox

Monday, October 01, 2007

October Cover Feature



Many, many thanks to Mel Fenson for this feature!

Mel Fenson
Editor/Publisher
www.coloradomagazineonline.com
303-702-0228

Lightweaves (Digital Collage) © 2007 Meg Fox

Saturday, September 15, 2007

~For Madeleine L'Engle~
1918-2007
The Storybook Faerie
Lightweave (Digital Collage) © 2007 Meg Fox



“It’s no coincidence that just at this point in our insight into our mysteriousness as human beings struggling towards compassion, we are also moving into an awakened interest in the language of myth and fairy tale. The language of logical arguments, of proofs, is the language of the limited self we know and can manipulate. But the language of parable and poetry, of storytelling, moves from the imprisoned language of the provable into the freed language of what I must, for lack of another word, continue to call faith.” —Madeleine L’Engle

“A resource for readers fans of all ages”
Other Links with helpful tips about storytelling for children:

Parenting and Child Health


Wednesday, June 27, 2007

~For Hannah Rose~

An excerpt from the tale
“The Roses and the Sparrows”
by Hans Christian Anderson

“This is a wonderful place, a man's nest I suppose. And look! What can this be?”

Just in front of the sparrows stood the ruins of the burned cottage. Roses were blooming over it, and their reflection appeared in the water beneath. The black charred beams rested against the tottering chimney. How could it be? How came the cottage and the roses in a room in the nobleman's house? Then the sparrows tried to fly over the roses and the chimney, but they only struck themselves against a flat wall. It was a picture -- a large beautiful picture, which the artist had painted from his little sketch.

“Tweet,” said the sparrows. “It is really nothing after all. It only looks like reality. Tweet, I suppose that is the beautiful. Can you understand it? I cannot.” Then some persons entered the room, and the sparrows flew away.

The Lightweave pictured above is titled “The Roses and the Sparrows.”

~Meg

Lightweave (Digital Collage): The Roses and the Sparrows © 2007 Meg Fox

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

~For The Endicott Studio~

Thank you for being there
to help me awaken the beauty
of my sleeping spirit.

Spring 2007 marked the 20th Anniversary of The Endicott Studio. There are three wonderful new prints by Terri Windling including True Friends; Terri's tender work commemorating this milestone and all the tremendous work the Endicott community does to support children-at-risk.

If you shop online at Amazon and would like to help support Endicott, enter Amazon through the link found here. A portion of the funds from purchases made anywhere on Amazon's site through the Endicott link is used to support Endicott's web site, and another portion is donated to two organizations for children in family crisis situations: Talking Feather, for Native American children, and Casa de los Niños, a children's shelter.
The Journal of Mythic Arts celebrates with the
20th Anniversary Fairy Tale Issue and is filled with outstanding writings and gorgeous images. Midori Snyder’s insightful discussion “Sleeping Beauty” begins with a lively retelling of a panel's initial reaction to a Wiscon 23 discussion topic: “What does Sleeping Beauty Mean To Me?”

There are contemporary versions of the classic tales (including the powerful and haunting retelling of Sleeping Beauty, “Briar Rose” by Kim Antieau) and terrific essays including Terri Windling’s autobiographical “Transformations.” The last paragraph still brings me to tears.
Thank you, Terri, for helping to set me free.

The Lightweave pictured above is titled “Briar Rose.”

~Meg



Lightweave (Digital Collage): Briar Rose © 2007 Meg Fox

Thursday, June 07, 2007

The journey into my own story led me to understand that something magical had always existed between my inner spirit and the creative process; that as an adult, fearful feelings I anticipated with dread and fiercely struggled to push away were actually the protective voice of my own spirit creatively coping in the old ways born of a child’s will to survive.

In sharing stories with fellow survivors, I’ve learned that many of us share a common dilemma concerning the visual aspect of our past—old faces (including photos of ourselves as children) and places we associate with traumatic experience can be difficult to deal with in the present without triggering old feelings. Following an encounter, it can take some time to shake off haunting echoes of doubt. Not too surprising—after all, awakening to our truth can be as dramatic as having lived for years with the firm belief that the sky is red, only to discover it was always blue.
As my understanding grew, I was able look at such things as childhood pictures of myself with empathy, and I began to embrace the feelings I once despised. I am learning to look upon these feelings as an amazing reminder of a child’s perspective. They are in that sense my badge of courage. Now, blessed with more knowledge, I trust my inner spirit to lead me to new ways to protect and reassure myself that include, not reject, the inner spirit of the child I once was; for without that precious part, I am not whole. Something I’ve found helpful in centering myself after an unpleasant visual encounter is to turn to a bit of tangible reassurance such as an amulet. I have the sweetest friend, Jeanne Pisano, who gave me a beautiful silver necklace created by Evelyn Villegas as a token of the journey of transformation. I treasure Jeanne’s words, “My friend Evelyn made this from the parts “rejected” by most jewelry makers. It reminded me of our process of taking what we pushed away and then making something wonderful from it.”

I’ve been wondering why I’ve recently had a strong desire to play with triptychs. I think the form has become another new visual tool for healing. To me, the three parts represent different stages of awakening to my inner spirit—the place I began, the journey into my true story and the ongoing journey in the light of that truth.
The Lightweave pictured above, entitled “Catch Me If You Can” is a tribute to the inner spirit and a depiction of my ever-strengthening belief that once we are able to embrace all that makes us who we are as individuals, the monster of deception loses its power to entrap us with shame, guilt or doubt.


~Meg




Necklace by Evelyn Villegas



Top Image Lightweave (Digital Collage): Catch Me If You Can © 2007 Meg Fox

Keeper of the Apparent Magnitude
Lightweave (Digital Collage) © 2007 Meg Fox

Friday, May 18, 2007


Child On The Edge
Lightweave (Digital Collage) © 2007 Meg Fox

Lean On Me

Lightweave (Digital Collage) © 2007 Meg Fox

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

~for Steve

Three Little Pigs
When I was a teen I dyed my hair red. Not the bright punk red kids boldly streak onto their hair today. After all, growing up in an abusive environment generally doesn’t leave much room for self expression, so I kept it real subtle. Actually, I’m amazed the color stayed put at all. Those were the days grown ladies had their hair washed and “done up” once a week at the local beauty shop, and as commercial shampoo was often a missing household commodity, I washed my hair with a diluted solution of stain fighting Tide™ laundry detergent. Anyway, to my great relief, nobody got a stitch in their knickers over my hair color, and one of the great liberties of my childhood was to indulge in an occasional bottle of Miss Clairol. ™

I was reminiscing about all of this while working on a collage inspired by the tale of Red Riding Hood:
Though coloring my locks had nothing to do with the cloaked heroine, and I don’t remember anyone ever calling me Red, something I did have in common with the tale is that my Grandmother and I were close when I was a child. My fondest childhood memories are of the times I spent the night with my Grandmother. Somehow, whenever I went to Grandmother’s house, the basket of pain I carried was immediately emptied and refilled with happiness.

Grandma snored. At five years of age, I thought her snoring was the funniest thing I’d ever witnessed. I slept in bed next to her, and I’d fight to stay awake just to catch her in action. It was spec-TAC-ular! No “what big ears you have” wolf would have had to ask Red for directions to my grandma’s house. She had a selection of styles, but my favorite was when she got herself rolling with the nautical rhythm of a ship over lulling swells. Then…shhhzzrr-CZHZZRRAKK!!! Grandma would wake herself up with an explosive snort,

“What, what?” she’d stammer in confusion.

That was it for me. Fits of hysterical laughing. I’d squeak out a description between gasps for air about how she woke herself, and she’d start to laugh until tears were streaming down both of our faces. What big impressions such moments leave upon a child:
My husband snores (though he can’t hold a candle to Grandma) and I don’t mind a bit. Now, most of my friends don’t find their partner’s snoring particularly endearing, and I kind of think I might have felt that way if it weren’t for my early association with snoring and some of the best belly laughs of my life. Grandma came to live with us when I was nine, and I’ve concluded she was the reason I grew up with a smidgeon of sanity still in my cabin.

It was a different set of memories that reluctantly came to mind when I was jolted out of my reverie by the broadcast of an assumed to be private, verbally abusive cell phone message left for a child by her well known father.

If you believe calling a child offensive names is no big deal, I can tell you first hand; name-calling forever alters a child’s perception of self.

“PIG.”

I have an on-line friend who is still tormented by 50-year-old memories of being called “selfish ungrateful pig.” One of the names I was called included “Pig” accompanied by a tasty assortment of barnyard adjectives. My sister was called “Pig.” She still suffers from the memories, and I remember hearing the same twisted adult calling my grandmother “Pig,” too. The tears running down Grandma’s face then left a far different big impression on me.

One of a parent’s greatest responsibilities is to give their child a strong sense of safety and security, so why any adult would humiliate a child with derogatory name-calling is, as far as I’m concerned, beyond any justifiable explanation. And pity the pig. Metaphors are nifty tools to have at hand when the executioner lurks nearby, but truth is, we all know it’s man we’re generally talking about. Honestly, the way animals are saddled with the nastiest of human traits. Take the idiom “wolf down our food.” Why that could lead one to the misconception that a wolf is…well… a real “Pig.”

As for my collage; that’s why Red and Grandma are smiling comfortably with the wolf in their midst. They know (just as my Grandmother and I always knew) that the wolf, poor creature, has nothing to do with any of their troubles. In reality wolves are caring nurturing parents. Any one could have outdone my parents. And no wolf has ever called anyone “Pig” either.

So, in the spirit of the many things man does that make no sense to me at all, I’m titling this collage “Three Little Pigs.”

Three innocent creatures and they’re all called “Pig.”
Now, does that seem like no big deal?
This once-called Pig says, “ No, no, by the hair of my chiny chin chin!”


~Meg
Digital Collage: "Three Little Pigs"© 2007 Meg Fox

Sunday, April 01, 2007

How does an innocent child, dependant upon adults make sense out of betrayal?

Acknowledging the terrifying behavior of an adult abuser can be an impossible reality for a child to accept. An abusive experience creates intense emotions of anxiety, confusion, and anger, and if no trustworthy adult intervenes; if the abuse and a child’s pain are not acknowledged, how can that child possibly believe that his or her feelings are valid?

When there is no intervention, abuse survivors often reach adulthood still longing for recognition of their feelings, yet, at the same time, feeling unworthy of such recognition. Too often they will be further humiliated with insensitive insinuations that they “should get over it and move on.”

Having done nothing wrong, these countless children and adult survivors suffer intense guilt and shame and are left with the belief that they deserve to feel this way.

Terri Windling addressed this and related issues in the moving and powerful speech “Heroes.”
It seems to me that this speech from the early 1990’s could have been written yesterday. The haunting, enlightening, healing anthology, The Armless Maiden, though thankfully available here, is no longer being printed. The Armless Maiden, written for adult readers, is a collection of works using themes from fairy tales and focuses on the bravery and perseverance of abused children.

A society that dismisses pain inflicted upon the innocent by a disturbed adult; a society that fails to speak out loudly in the face of such injustice is to me a disturbing society.

I will no longer
Follow silently
Wither thou goest.

~Meg


Digital Collage: "Wither Thou Goest"© 2007 Meg Fox

Thursday, March 08, 2007

Many thanks, Anonymous, for your comments regarding fairy tales and your healing journey! I agree that a child's ability to sense a path to survival through fairy tales and stories is truly magical. I hope you will continue to share your experience and discoveries here on the blog.

As adults, so many of our feelings are clouded by undeserved guilt and shame, it's difficult to recognize which are true feelings, let alone acknowledge them. The ability to help each other by sharing our stories is very real, powerful and truly important.

For the last few months, I’ve been following the
blog of Steve Bluestein. A professional comedian, writer and a wonderful photographer, Steve began his blog in February of 2006 and writes, “It started as a way for me to vent my funny bone and has turned into a life changing experience.”

A true storyteller, he began with posts of his day to day tribulations and hilarious “behind the scene” reflections of his life as a performing comedian. I recommend starting with his first entry. Take your time to catch up. You will be rewarded with a unique and moving example of an evolution to a journey of healing through creative expression.

Last week, I e-mailed Steve and mentioned the wonderful article Robert posted; “You Carry the Cure In Your Own Heart,” by Andrew Vachss. Steve was kind enough to let me share the response he sent to me:

“I said, "Oh my god. That’s me." The entire article was me. I never thought of it as abuse, it was just my life. But it was abuse. Do you remember the tv commercial that is a tight shot of a little girl's face and the voice over is an adult saying. "YOU'RE STUPID. WHY DO YOU DO THAT THAT WAY? YOU'RE UNGRATEFUL." When I saw that I said..."that's my life." But I didn't connect to child abuse. When I read Mommy Dearest I thought, "huh, you think you had it bad." But I never thought I was victim of child abuse. I now do.”

Steve’s words, “I never thought of it as abuse, it was just my life.” are painfully familiar. Adult survivors struggle with fear that they will be accused of exaggerating. They are somewhat dumbfounded when they truly understand the phrase “child abuse” applies to their experience.

Sharing the magic of the insight gained through creative expression can help us overcome our self doubt. Like Anonymous, fairy tales played a huge role in my own journey. When, as an adult, I asked myself what it was I found comforting about reading certain Hans Christian Anderson and Brothers Grimm fairy tales repeatedly as a child, I was eventually able to distinguish, then come to terms with what had always been my true feelings. I realized what I felt while reading those stories as a child were my genuine feelings of relief and resolution; what I so desperately longed for (as a child and an adult) was happening in those fairytales.

This excerpt from my short story “For The Sake Of” addresses my discovery of the reason I clung to these tales.

“Looking back I knew it had nothing to do with being a princess, or riches, or finding Prince Charming. It was something beyond the repeated theme of good verses evil. It was more than the evil doers being brought to justice. I sensed that some thing I longed for happened in these tales. I discovered the answer with the help of Anderson's taleThe Wild Swans.”

“She seized the horrid nettles with her delicate hands,
and they burnt like fire. Great blisters rose on her hands and arms, but she
suffered it willingly if only it would deliver her beloved brothers. She crushed
every nettle with her bare feet and twisted it into green flax.” *

* Hans Christian Anderson, The Wild Swans. Illustrated Junior Library ed. New York: Grosset & Dunlap, Inc., 1945
As a child, I turned to this tale for comfort. Why? Though I doubt I understood the complexities, I did know that for the sake of her brothers, despite the anguish, the silence and the suffering, Elise could endure because the brothers she loved were her advocates. As she endured for them, they, in return, did everything they could to protect her, and in the end . . . when Elise proclaimed her innocence her brothers stood with her, and when her strength gave way to the strain, her brothers bore witness to the truth, and exposed the injustice. Endurance—for the sake of each other.
Oh, Dear God! It’s supposed to be a two-way street.
ALL of it—the pain, the suffering, the silence, the determined quest for perfection—all had been for the sake of my mother. Were it possible to spin flax into fiber strong enough to string my violin, I’d gladly have picked and crushed stinging nettles ‘til my hands were burnt and blistered, to weave silvery notes into brilliant melodies of golden genius. Good God! I’d have even whistled while I worked were it enough to please her. The child I was would be my mother's advocate until the bitter end, because I believed her to be mine. I was wrong. Damn near dead wrong.”
In myth and legend deer represent such things as healing, transformations, journeys and otherworldly adventures. On the site The Animal Files, Suzanne ter Huurne discusses roles of deer in Shamanism including a belief in a deer’s ability to see through illusion. There is also a terrific article by Ari Berk about deer and legends: “Where the White Stag Runs—Boundary and Transformation in Deer Myths, Legends, and Songs.”
The lightweave, “Trail of the Deer Spirit” began as a depiction of a journey in the realm of Faerie. I added the deer to represent a gentle spirit and a guardian. The more I worked on the piece, the more I felt it illustrated the many apprehensive feelings that arose as I traveled the unknown territory of my own healing journey. Though the piece is dark, I didn’t have fearful feelings while creating it, because the deer represented a positive outcome. The collage represents my journey through the world of illusion. My journey led to the world that had existed all along—a world of reality.

~Meg

Lightweave (Digital Collage) “Trail of the Deer Spirit” © 2007 Meg Fox

Monday, February 05, 2007

In last Wednesday's post, “Healing Tales and the Snow Queen,” from the Endicott Studio Redux, Terri Windling discusses the powerful role myth and fairy tale themes often play in healing journeys. Many thanks to Terri for mentioning this new blog, "Healing Through Visual, Literary and Performance Arts" and for including my recent digital collage “The Snow Queen” in the post.

Hans Christian Anderson’s tale of “The Snow Queen” played a tremendous role in my own journey of healing. Together with “The Wild Swans,” and in combination with visual art and writing, I came to understand that it was not, as I had always believed, the years of physical abuse by my father that had scarred me the most—it was the endless onslaught of verbal and emotional abuse inflicted by my mother.

Thanks also to Barrie and Robert for sharing their stories and for their comments on my last post about Male Adult Survivors. Robert was kind enough to share his own experience with emotional trauma and also introduced me to a terrific article addressing the devastating effects emotional abuse by attorney and author Andrew Vachss
: “You Carry the Cure in Your Own Heart.”

When asked the question, “What is the worst case you ever handled?” Vachss states “My answer is that, of all the many forms of child abuse, emotional abuse may be the cruelest and longest-lasting of all.” Vachss also writes, “Emotional abuse is both the most pervasive and the least understood form of child maltreatment. Its victims are often dismissed simply because their wounds are not visible. In an era in which fresh disclosures of unspeakable child abuse are everyday fare, the pain and torment of those who experience "only" emotional abuse is often trivialized. We understand and accept that victims of physical or sexual abuse need both time and specialized treatment to heal. But when it comes to emotional abuse, we are more likely to believe the victims will “just get over it” when they become adults.”


How true this was for me. It was not until I acknowledged the deeply buried wounds of emotional abuse while writing the short story “For The Sake Of,” that I truly began to heal.

The digital collage above is titled, It's What You Don't See

~Meg

Lightweave (Digital Collage): It's What You Don't See © 2007 Meg Fox

Sunday, January 28, 2007

I’m amazed that I didn’t see it. I’m reminded of being a child and hearing a word for the first time. Once heard, I'd see it everywhere, in print and conversation, and I’d realize it had been there all along.

When I began to share my own story of childhood trauma, I was stunned by the number of my male friends who had also experienced severe childhood abuse. It wasn’t hard for me to recognize the familiar pitted scars of trauma in the eyes of other women—even strangers—but when it came to the men I knew, I didn’t see it. I have a friend I’ve known for decades. His story is horrendous. I didn’t have a clue. I’m not exactly sure I know what caused my inability to sense anything—I certainly was and am aware that no gender, or for that matter race, class or religion is exempt from this stinking rotten plague, and I now wonder if, despite my own history and awareness, I was influenced by social stereotype.

Men, like women, carry the burden of gender stereotypes. Boys as well as men tend to be viewed as strong and tough, and there is an assumption that they have the ability to protect themselves. Many men are reluctant to discuss their abuse because disclosing victimization strips them of society’s definition of masculinity. So, they bury their painful secrets with the same sense of shame, confusion and loss of self felt by so many women, and many professionals believe men are less likely than women to ever speak of their trauma. How can we help them to come forward without shame, so that they, too, can begin to heal?

Many of you know I’m convinced I would never have had the courage to put my own story on the web if I hadn't been introduced to the Endicott Studio for Mythic Arts. The discovery of a community discussing connections between childhood trauma and the healing power of fairy tales and myth seemed nothing less than a miracle. The essay “Transformations,” by Terri Windling helped me find the courage to tell myself the truth about my childhood, and to realize how important it is for those of us who are able, to speak up, share our experience and talk about what has helped us to heal. The Endicott Studio is also a wonderful resource for men. This week, while browsing through the Endicott Studio Archives, I came across an amazing essay entitled “Fathers and Sons” written by Heinz Insu Fenkl.
My own healing journey continues through my art, these little writings and listening to and learning from the stories of fellow survivors. Another favorite work from the Endicott reading room is Midori Snyder’s The Armless Maiden and the Hero's Journey.” Today's digital collage, entitled “Of Life and Limb,” is what I would call my vision of a male version of the “Armless Maiden.”

For the men—my longtime and my new friends:
Far beyond victims, you are adult survivors. I’ve heard your words and I see you now—sadly everywhere. You were there all along. I shudder imagining this horror still spreading unseen and unheard—fuzzy dandelion seed childhoods stripped away by howling windstorms under starless skies. To all of you who have come forward to speak of your experience, thank you for your courage and for sharing your stories, and to those who hesitate, I pray from the bottom of my heart for you to know you are not alone.

~Meg
Of Life and Limb © 2007 Meg Fox

Saturday, January 20, 2007

Prevalent in the media this week is the story about the recovery of the two missing Missouri boys. What joy I felt to hear this news! Thankfully, community support flooded in from the first announcements of their disappearances. As a society, we cringe upon hearing a child is missing—likely kidnapped. We agonize over imagined outcomes, and we empathize with the terror, anger and grief expressed by the child’s family. In the story about the boys from Missouri, once the suspect was caught and news conferences held, law enforcement officials expressed tremendous relief to finally have the suspect in custody, and general opinion seems to be a desire that the alleged abuser spend the rest of his days behind bars.

Along with the joy I feel for the safe return of these children, their story deepens my resolve to speak out about another type of child abuse; specifically that where the abuse to a child is inflicted by a parent.

Sadly, when the abuse occurs within the family, there remains a HUGE difference in society’s attitude toward the child’s plight. Society, communities, families and adult survivors of this trauma tend to remain silent. Yes, there are organizations fighting to bring this side of the story to light, but this is NOT the same thing as a spontaneous “flood of community support,” and there still remains the tendency to put blame on a child in this situation.

Adding to the problem is the fact that adult survivors feel tremendous guilt expressing their true feelings about a parent who hurt them. So often I hear, “but it’s my mother” or “it’s my father,” and “How can I say bad things about my own parents?” One reason we survivors struggle with our compassion is because we realize that our abusive parent was most likely also abused as a child. This is one of the most important feelings I believe needs to be addressed and brought to light.

Though it is probably true, and so very sad, that our abusive parent was once an abused child, I believe all of us—society as a whole, individuals and especially adult survivors—must look at that as another matter, entirely separate from the facts of the abuse inflicted on an innocent child by the adult parent.

Children bury their very justifiable anger at abusive parent beneath fear, pity, guilt and compassion because they have no other choice if they want to survive. When adult survivors of such childhood trauma continue to remain buried alive because the abuser is “my mother” or “my father,” their ability to heal is stifled, and in turn society will suffer even greater consequences as the cycle of domestic abuse continues to plague future generations.

As a fellow survivor of childhood trauma, I say to everyone, and especially to other survivors still struggling to heal from childhood trauma inflicted by a parent:

Parents MUST BE HELD RESPOSIBLE for abusive behavior.

There is NOTHING wrong with holding a parent responsible for abusive behavior, and there is NO need to feel guilty about your feelings.

There is NO need to let your compassion for a parent who has inflicted abuse get in the way of any true feelings you would like to express, simply because it is your mother or your father, or because you feel additional pressure from society’s attitudes regarding what is “acceptable” or “the right thing to do” when it comes to how we view our parents. What an unfair burden that is!

Why should a parent be viewed in a different light than the abuser who is a stranger? Personally, I feel when a child is abused by a parent, it is unforgivable! Period.

The image above is entitled "Resolution of Motive." It is a portrait of my mother and an illustration of a story passed along for generations. January 11th was my mother's 79th birthday. I'm grateful to have lived to see my mother’s 79th birthday, because I’m grateful to have lived long enough to read my chapter of the story under a light of truth—to finally see through the fiction I told myself until my mid fifties.

This post is dedicated to those who yet struggle to understand; to those who feel the taboo surrounding their true feelings of anger toward parents who hurt them and need to hear that it is OK to tell the truth.The most important thing we can all do is to BREAK OUR SILENCE. When fellow community members and our leaders—political and religious—rally in support of these children and adult survivors in the same way they spontaneously come together to help the child abused by a stranger, it will make it much more possible for those abused by parents to gain the courage to come forward and for all of us to heal.


~Meg
Resolution of Motive © 2007 Meg Fox

Friday, January 05, 2007

The True Nature of
the False Self




Lightweave (Digital Collage): © 2007 Meg Fox

Daoine Maithe




The Good People

(dween MAWd)



Featured in Winter 2006 Issue of


in the article The Interstitial Arts Foundation by Chandra Cerchione-Peltier

The Snow Queen

The Truth Faerie